Psychology Forum
General Category => Ask the Psychologist => Topic started by: andrew on July 24, 2010, 07:38:09 PM
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our family owns a business and i work with my brother in which lately i have been noting that we are in big competion between us in every thing i actualy feel that my brother has been copying my life style in every way as he started to talk like me, act like me, dress like and even he wanted to learn flying, since every body asks him, are you adrews brother the pilot,at first i did not mind it but lately it has been realy upsetting me and making me anxious as i feel that my charchter is being stolen, add to that his wife seems to desrespect my wife , as she ignores her all the time and trys to downgrade her in front of people, i realy dont know what to do ilove mybther but this realy upsets me to the extend that i dont want to see him any more, please dont ask me to be the biger guy even though i am the youner brother,now i am in competion with him and i want always to be better than him and this is making the situation worse
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Dear Andrew,
Conflicts between siblings arise in any family. You know, there is an Arabic saying: "I against my brother; my brother and I against my cousin; I, my brother, and my cousin against the stranger". Usually each child in a family competes to define who they are as individuals and want to show that they are separate from their siblings, your case, however, seems to be different.
What I would suggest to start with is a calm and assertive talk with your brother. Communication is extremely important. You did not mention if you had a talk with your brother or not, so I'll assume not.
In any relationship, a lack of communication causes problems. General communication principles that can improve your relationship with your brother include: - Avoid sarcasm. It makes it hard for your brother to understand what you mean.
- Stick to the facts.
- Avoid interpreting behavior. You can never be sure why your brother has done what he has done, so don't try to tell him what his behavior means.
- Don't ask questions if you're not willing to hear the answer.
- Don't wait too long to voice complaints. The longer you wait the more your resentment builds.
- When you don't know what to say, be honest. If you feel awkward talking about something, let your brother know.
- Be a good listener. Pay attention to verbal and nonverbal behavior.
- Ask questions that will help you gain understanding.
All in all, talk to your brother, with patience, let him know how you feel about what is happening (without blaming him for how you feel) and let him know how would you like your relationship with him to be. Try to find a way out of this together, with him.
Good luck!
Warm regards,
Joseph